Unbalanced Friends

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you make friends with people based on something mutual; for me it’s usually kids, or babies, or something baby related.
Sometimes those friends become great friends, people you make memories with and truly connect with.
Sometimes those people even become your “chosen family”.

Other times, if you’re really lucky, you get the friends I call
“grandfathered in”.

People you’ve known since before you were married or had kids.
People you’ve known so long, you really need to do the math to figure out just how long.

Then there are the friends you’ve known from a season.

For one reason or another, you met and clicked or connected with them and no matter how much time passes or how little you keep in touch, when you do reconnect it’s happiness.
They hold a special place, as you do for them, and nothing is ever weird.
You fall right back into friendship for the time you’re together and then another year, or five, or ten go by before you touch base again… but again, it feels the same.

I have a lot of friends, but sometimes I still feel lonely.
I don’t think I’m alone in that.

In the day to day life, I rarely see a friend and hang out or get together.
I mean, I don’t really have the energy at the end of the day anyway.

At our last posting, I had a couple of pretty amazing mom friends.

They would come over with their kids (or I’d go to them) and with coffee, nobody needed to be dressed in “real clothes” or even fed, and you could hang out and talk about everything in half conversations (because kids are always interrupting in one way or another) and speed the morning away.
When you live where there’s not a lot of playgroups, or when you share a car and your friends houses are walkable, you really need to speed some mornings away.
These friends have, and will always have, a very special place in all of our hearts, and no matter if it’s been 6 months or 6 years (because none of us live in the same province anymore) we will always make time for each other when we are in the same province.

But really, when I started writing this post, it was because of a mug I saw.

One of my friends, a dear friend I’ve had for over 20 years now, made me a personalized mug for Christmas this year.
We stopped buying things for each other years ago, or at least I have, but she is always thoughtful and makes something for us… for me.

Every single birthday and anniversary, I receive a message from a friend in New Brunswick that I rarely talk to but often try to stop in and visit when I can. I’m sure she has it all saved in her phone calendar but we were only close for a very short time (even if we’ve known each other our whole lives… that’s a story for another day), and it always makes me smile to wake up to a happy birthday text from her for any one of our family members.

I’m often getting completely random hand-me-downs, garden seeds, and DIY reno tips from another friend. We chat now and then but we don’t spend much time together, yet she is the one person nearby that I can always count on. She’s my kids’ emergency contact, and their caregiver whenever I need one, and she loves them and cares for them like their an extension of her own family. That is rare and so appreciated.

I even have friends who have become family and have welcomed my not so small family of five to stay in their home (and feed us) for as long as we need to while we’re in their area.
That kind of hospitality is priceless and I have no idea how to thank them.

Some friends have made a point to help me whenever I’ve asked, going above and beyond the help I need, just because they’re so damn generous.
Even when their worlds are actually falling apart, they make time and give so much effort to help me… and quite frankly, I have no idea how to repay them.

Any of them.

Sometimes I feel like my friendships are so unbalanced. 

I feel like I’m so undeserving of the kindness and thoughtfulness I’m shown.
It’s as though I’m the flakey friend.
I’m not even sure what they get out of their friendship with me.
I mean, yeah, I’m nice, but I’m not thoughtful.
I don’t offer to care for their kids, I never just drop by with stuff that I know can help them, and I never make them a special gift or remember their special days.