If you’re a personal friend of mine and have me on Facebook, then you’ve already seen me post about this a time or ten.
But here I go again...
My Husband and I were sitting in the rec room talking today.
He just got home from an unplanned week away for work and it’s been a rough few days with the kids and I.
We all have those days, right?
Because when I solo parent 24/7 without even a glimpse of a break… well, truth be told: they get on my nerves.
It’s true.
I love them dearly and I wouldn’t want to do life without them but with the constant talking and bickering and picking, the million plus ten “Momma? Momma…. MOMMA!”s get to me.
Then Daddy comes home and suddenly there are “Daddy? Daddy…. DADDY!!”s thrown into the mix and we both get mentally depleted pretty quickly.
It’s also very difficult to have a conversations when there is someone smaller always wanting or needing something.
Times three.
We have never had a night away from the kids.
We have rarely even had an afternoon away from the kids.
Why? Well mostly because we don’t live near family.
We also don’t have any friends nearby who would be willing to stay with them for the night because any local friends we have, well they have their own kids and their own stuff to deal with.
We can’t really afford to have a babysitter, not overnight.
Frankly, we can’t even justify getting a babysitter for an evening out because between a babysitter and an evening out, it would end up easily being a $150 night, and we just can’t bring ourselves to do it.
And this is when it hits me...
Growing up, I often went to my grandparents for the night, or a weekend, or a week in the summer.
My siblings all live near my parents, within 20 minutes or so, so it was no problem for them to all plan an evening, or an overnight, or a weekend away, with a free babysitter just down the road.
My mom even used to care for the first five grandkids one day a week, every week, until they started school.
My parents were able to go to hockey games and soccer and school plays (not that we have any of those, but still, we have stuff).
I digress.
Most of my friends back home have parents and/or in-laws, or siblings, to help them out when Mommy and Daddy need a night to themselves or a couple of extra hands, or if Mommy just needs a break.
But us? We don’t have it.
I won’t lie either, I’m jealous of those that do.
I wasn’t at first.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my babies for the day or a night, let alone a weekend or a week.
But now all of my babies are self sufficient.
They all talk and walk, they can express themselves and wipe their own butts (well, 3 year old Last Born gets help with the messy ones).
So things have changed, and what I wouldn’t give now for the ability to call a relative and say “The kids are driving me crazy, will you hang out with them them for a few hours?” or “Hey, we’d love a date night, wanna take the kids for the day or a night or *gasp* the weekend?” Or even “I’ve got a bug and I can’t get out of bed, would you come help with the kids?”
I mean, really though!
Over the holiday while we were back home in Nova Scotia, my brother and his wife offered to take them (all three of them) for the afternoon and evening. We even switched cars so we wouldn’t need to move car seats.
And it was amazing.
My husband and I went to a movie and didn’t have to shush anyone.
We grabbed something to eat and didn’t have to keep anyone quiet or clean up spills or take anyone to the bathroom.
We actually finished conversations that we started, start to finish, without being interrupted or having the subject changed or breaking up bickering.
That’s another downside to having more than one or two kids:
Three or more is a lot.
You’re outnumbered.
They feed off each other.
It’s rare that all three will co-exist peacefully.
And they are never all quiet at the same time until they’re glued to a screen or asleep.
So we don’t ask anyone to take them just for fun because (as much as I love all three of these critters) it’s hardly just fun. They’re a lot of work, and attention, and more mediation than you can even believe.
Yes, we love our children.
And yes, we planned all three.
But it’s hard to only get a break every six months or so for an afternoon.
And unless you live it, you don’t get it.
I’m sorry, but you just don’t.
Maybe I sound bitter.
I might be, a little bit.
I can’t help it.
I wish some days that the option was there.
And before anyone says “You knew what you were getting into as a military spouse”, bite your tongue.
I had no idea what I was getting into.
I met a man who took my breath away with his kiss when I was almost 30 years old… THAT’s all I knew, and I went with it.
Again, I digress.
So if you have that village, that web of extended loved ones who will jump at the chance to take your kid (or two, or by some sweet miracle: all of them), appreciate it.
Don’t take it for granted.
Don’t assume that everyone has the same support system.
Don’t take advantage of it.
Say:
“Thank you.
You’re the best.
It would be so much harder to parent without you.”
Because it is.
For More 3 Little Learners
