Most of the time, I love being with my kids. Which is good, because they’re with me all day every day. Unschooling is really great in so many ways, and I wouldn’t change it for our family.
But you guys, some days are HARD.
Today was A DAY!
Between the kids picking at each other, and not doing the things I asked (like tidying up the markers the dog knocked over at 10am… until momma lost her mind at 1:30), it was a DAY.
Add in the incessant need to fill any sound void with NOISE.
Well I feel like the Grinch “and the noise, noise, NoIsE, NOISE!” but seriously, how is it that they create so much noise? And why is it that they need to say the same thing over and over and over and over and…. yeah, you get it… but why?
In the car, going through drive thru (for my second coffee of the day) and I say “Holy guys, could you BE more annoying?”
Middle Born replies “Oh, yah we can!”
And then she and First Born decide try to see who can be the most annoying by simply yelling the words “beep” and “bop” repeatedly.
Explosion!
Yeah, I did it. I yelled. I screamed. I might have even dropped a few adult language bombs.
Not super proud of it… also not the first time, probably won’t be the last either.
But they were quiet.
For the next 20 minutes, nobody said a word and it was the most blissful part of the day.
You see, we used to have quiet time.
I’ve always had at least one napper, and I always held the babies for their naps. So this Momma has always gotten a break, every day, for three hours a day, to watch shows and not be needed.
Three hours every day to not be at anyone’s beck and call.
I admit, I was spoiled, and I won’t apologize for it.
But now, there is no longer a napper in the house.
And subsequently, quiet time has changed to movie time, usually with Momma still breaking up fights and bickering and “her foot is in my face” or “stop playing with my hair!” … so it’s not exactly rejuvenating.
It’s not ideal but it’ll do…
Except on the days that it doesn’t.
On Wednesday afternoons we have swim. Well, for now.
So there’s no quiet time, no chance for Momma breaks.
Just full on parenting all day long.
And, we’re military, so my husband is away a lot.
Ok “a lot” is relative but he’s been away more in 2019 than he has any other year of the 10 we’ve been together.
And Momma is tired.
So today, I said screw it. After a run to the dollar store where Last Born and Middle Born kept touching EVERYTHING and wouldn’t stay close, which was after the blow up in the car, which was after swim, which was after an already full day of “seriously” moments and “what are we having for supper” questions… I was done. Off to the store we went to pick up more apples and some not-so-healthy popcorn chicken and French fries for the kids, and frozen Chinese food for myself.
I didn’t even want to think about supper let alone cook something.
Now this particular store has chains at the checkouts to latch when the lane is closed and every.single.time we go there, one or all of the kids plays with said chain and every.single.time I tell them to leave the chain alone, it is not a toy, it is not for them, do not touch it.
Every single time.
And yet… they do.
Every. Single. Time.
Today was the day that I said “Why is it that we can’t seem to come into this store without you guys touching the chain?” as Middle Born was touching the chain.
The cashier and the lady behind me giggled a little. I had said it in a playful way while also meaning what I said because I try to be *that* kind of mom.
And do you know what First Born did next? He grinned, leaned between his sisters, and touched. the. chain. And then looked at me….
Now, I didn’t totally lose it. We were in a store after all. But my teeth clenched. I glared. And I said in a very scary Momma voice “Do not touch the chain.” and the world around me stopped giggling.
I became that mom that people stop empathizing with and get somber around because she’s mad at her kids.
I’ve never been that mom before.
I’ve been the frazzled, sweaty, exasperated “come on you guys” mom.
I’ve been the “everyone gets in the cart so you can’t touch everything” mom.
I’ve been the “I just don’t have the energy for this, lets get our crap and go” mom.
I’ve even been the “Ok, we aren’t doing this. Let’s just leave.” mom.
But I’ve never been the “those poor kids” mom.
And ya know what?
I don’t even care. Today was a day. I’ve been solo parenting about 80% of the year, the past few weeks included, and my kids were being dinks and I was mad.
I’m allowed to be mad.
I didn’t hurt anyone. I didn’t even yell at anyone (ok, I might have yelled when we got in the car… before I cried. Again, not the first time, and it won’t be the last, I’m sure.)
I was just done.
I’m not the only one.
I know I’m not.
I have enough mom friends who are honest with me to know that I am not alone.
Other moms have these days.
Some of us even have weeks or months.
Luckily it’s rare to have a whole year.
But it happens and I know I’m not alone.
I hope you know you aren’t alone either.
So do it!
- Choose the easier meal.
- Let your kids watch an extra few hours of tv.
- Warn those kids that they are *this close* to spending the rest of the day in their rooms… And then follow through if you need to!
Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance.
Kiss your kids goodnight, tell them you love them, give yourself some grace and know that you’re not alone.
Tomorrow the sun will rise again, bringing with it a new day, a new chance to connect and laugh with them a brand new chance to have an amazing day.
You got this, Momma.
And I get you.
For More 3 Little Learners
