Mother’s Day: a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.
This Mother’s Day, in 2020, is unlike any other.
So many of us can’t be with our mothers.
Some of us are more used to distance separating us from our Moms than others.
For those needing to be apart while also being so physically close, it must be so incredibly difficult. Some of you have your mom just down the road or street, and yet you must keep your distance and stay apart.
That must be sad and so frustrating.
There are Moms who are not used to spending more than three or so hours a day with their children. Between school and work, meals and bedtime, their days are usually filled to the brim, with not a ton of open space to have to plan things to occupy their kids.
Yet this year, for the past two months, these moms have been with their children 24/7.
Children who are suddenly realizing how annoying their siblings are.
Children who are getting into everything they shouldn’t be.
Children who are “sooooo bored”… and hungry… and bored.
Then there are the moms who are essential workers and haven’t seen their children at all for 2 months because they don’t want to put them at risk while they help the rest of the world.
We see you, we appreciate you and we thank you for your sacrifices.
For some moms, this is their very first Mother’s Day. I’m not sure if the restrictions make their first one easier as expectations are lower, or harder because they finally get to participate in a Mother’s Day celebration and they can’t.
There are so many posts in my newsfeed today about how wonderful motherhood is and how lucky everyone feels for being their child(ren)s parent.
And that’s all beautiful and meaningful and true.
But let’s be real too.
Motherhood is not all rainbows and butterflies and amazing moments to cherish all the time.
Motherhood is also filled with crappy moments.
It’s filled with tantrums and crying, meltdowns and arguments, messes and whining and attitude.
So. Much. Attitude.
We mothers… we love our children.
We cherish them and adore them and can’t imagine life without them.
We live for them and would die for them.
We would do anything for them.
And we do.
But let’s also talk about the feeling of loneliness.
Of feeling unappreciated.
Sometimes even feeling unloved by the people you do everything for and love more than anything.
Let’s talk about the food left everywhere and the toys that get stepped on.
Let’s talk about the daily finds of unflushed toilets and toothpaste all over the counter, sink and mirror.
Let’s talk about how, even at the best of times, it can feel like nobody understands what you’re feeling. Like you’re failing and screwing up your children and you don’t know what to do. Like you wish you could be better because you think everyone else is better but really, in reality, we are all just winging it.
Let’s talk about how, in a pandemic, you feel all of those feelings but magnified times a billion because you can’t bounce your frustrations out on your friends at work or activities or the library.
Let’s talk about how now you’re also teaching your children different grades of schoolwork that the schools are dictating and you have no idea what you’re doing or how you’ll do it and it makes you feel inferior.
Let’s talk about how you’re feeding your kids whatever they’ll eat because you don’t have the energy to fight with them about healthy choices.
Let’s talk about how you’re letting them watch way too much tv because, quite frankly, you just need them to sit down and be quiet and not need you for an hour or two. Please. For the love of Pete.
Let’s talk about all of that and then let’s think about Mother’s Day in a whole new way.
Let’s think about how to celebrate Mother’s Day in a way that supports each other.
That’s what Mother’s Day is about for me.
I want to feel loved and appreciated for all of the terrible moments that we get through because we love our children (and also because, well, what is the alternative?)
Yesterday a friend brought me coffee and daffodils.
And today I had a secret friend who delivered this to my doorstep, complete with a sweet thank you signed from my children.
It made me cry and feel loved and appreciated and seen.
And I want all of the moms in my life to feel the same way.
The mom who’s stuck in another province without her kids because she was away for a course and now she can’t get back to them. I see you and you’re still amazing.
The mom who has had it *up to here* with the bickering and the fighting between siblings. I see you and you’re still amazing.
The mom who only has one child and wishes briefly that she had a second because her child has no playmates in a pandemic. I see you and you’re still amazing.
The mom who is suddenly solo parenting without a social outlet and cries every night because she just feels so overwhelmed and tired and hopeless. Momma, I see you and you’re still amazing.
To every single mom in every single situation: motherhood is not perfect, it’s not always beautiful, and you don’t have to be either.
Some days *good enough* is absolutely perfect.
Some days, just *surviving* is the best you can do for your kids and yourself.
Some days you might not feel or see a single good thing in the day… And that’s ok because tomorrow is a new one and you can try again.
We can all try again.
Now, I know tomorrow is never promised, we’ve been reminded of that too much in the last month… but that doesn’t mean everything has to be amazing every day.
It’s ok to just be OK.
It’s ok to not be ok too.
It doesn’t make you less amazing.
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